I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
