eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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