I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
