"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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