I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
