3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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