Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
