a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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