I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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