if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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