Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
