Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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