People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
