You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
