I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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