Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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