OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
