i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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