he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
