please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
