I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
