Your tits are I can't wait for
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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