I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
