The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
