I wannas sexs uuuuu
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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