I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
