Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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