I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Did I show you my penis last night?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
