When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story