how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.