My first STD was from a foam party
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick