I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.