Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
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i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
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Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance