normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
