I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
