At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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