My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
