Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
