Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
