what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
