I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
