wakey wakey hands off snakey
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
