My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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