planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Randomize
