Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
