i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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