i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
