Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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