As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
