I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
