I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
