just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
