I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
