Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
