well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
