i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
