i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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