I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
