I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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