DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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