Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Randomize
