I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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