I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He did a backflip because drugs
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
