I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
