Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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