Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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