i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
