Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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