I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
